Nerd Rant

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 05/30/2018 at 17:26 • Filed to: None

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I’ve been working at home for the last few days for a coupla reasons. Long story short I’ve been watching the special edition original trilogy (star wars) on my CRT and laserdisc player while I did emails and turned pixels different colors for money.

Man alive the prequels don’t line up for crap continuity wise.

I mean ALLLL over the place they talk about the time period of the prequels and it doesn’t line up at all with the crap trip.

1. Anikan was older when he met obi won

2. Obi wan was trained by Yoda

3. Leia knew her mother

4. Obi never remembered owning an R2 unit?

Just for a kickoff.

Can you just imagine if Disney could just wipe the slate clean and redo the prequels with good stories and zero pandering or character cameos?

This is to say nothing of the terrible color and bad addition to the story that the special edition does to the originals. They add nothing and take away plenty. They deserve the derision they get.

Alfalfa > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 17:41

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This take is accurate and good.

benjrblant > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 17:43

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The despecialized edition is where it’s at.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 17:45

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1. Anikan suffered from stunted growth, he is actually twelve in the Phantom Menace.

2. Obi Wan only took defense against the dark arts from Yoda.

3. Leia knew her mother, in a coma.

4. Obi Wan didn’t remember R2 because there are thousands of beep beww beep droids out there, how would he remember.

HammerheadFistpunch > benjrblant 05/30/2018 at 17:48

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I need to get in on that but they make it so hard to get that I gave up trying.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 17:54

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Can you just imagine if Disney could just wipe the slate clean and redo the prequels with good stories and zero pandering or character cameos?

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I, uh, you... um. What.

mfw

wafflesnfalafel > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 17:54

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yes, the official Starwars world needs to start with Rogue One... Or maybe they can do some “super”prequils before all of this happened once they run out of ideas with the stuff they are doing now...

HammerheadFistpunch > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 05/30/2018 at 17:57

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Lucas level pandering. Im okay with a complete rehash of old stories and characters or even superman force powers. Just no garbage filler

Chariotoflove > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 18:12

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Yep, lots of continuity problems that Lucasfilm, with all its resources to proofread, had no excuse missing. Obi Wan was trained by Yoda, especially at the end of RofS after they escaped on Organa’s ship. He just wasn’t his primary mentor, so I can live with that. The others bother me still, especially the bit about Leia remembering her mother. That’s just unforgivable.

The biggest problem I have with all of it is that Anakin should never have been so young, nor should he have been conceived without a father. Those two things were unnecessary and stupid.

In light of the fact that Lucas couldn’t remember his own damn stories, Solo looks even more impressive (except putting Darth Maul at the end if that’s him. That’s a blunder on a Jar Jar scale, and anyone can fight me on that.)

Ash78, voting early and often > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 18:16

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I declare you the Dean of Partying Down!

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 18:18

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They should do a Star Wars that pertains to the dating scene in that world.

They could model it after Sex and the City... but Sex and the City in the Star Wars universe!

His Stigness > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 18:20

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Rookie questions!

1:False. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

No, really, what are you talking about?

2: Yoda was the head of the Jedi Order, and he was a Master, so of course he was his “teacher.”

3: Lea knew her mother as a Force Ghost. Maybe. Or she was lying.

4: R2 was Anakin’s droid, not Obi’s, so of course he never remembered owning him.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 18:20

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Those exact prequels wouldn’t have been perfect, but they would have been very good if they had received the same production pressure, oversight, and absolutely ruthless editing and reshoots that the original trilogy had received. Lucas is a better worldbuilder than director or dialogue writer, and the movies suffer for it badly... but have you ever seen stuff from early shots of the originals? The gold of the final scenes was almost invisible, buried in iffy word choices, bad deliveries and staging, and lack of editing just like the prequels. It takes a deft hand to make stilted dialogue operatic, to make a long scene suspenseful, and to deliver spectacle with surprise, and a good editor is worth their weight in gold exactly because they can do that with a horribly flawed rough draft.

In other words, I can see a world in which the prequels were saved. I cannot say the same for the new movies with the exception of Rogue One, because they are *wrong* from jump street. They’re mostly competent, but with drastically different storytelling, technological feel, characterization, and staging that makes me feel like I’m watching an unholy wedding of Star Wars and Spy Kids. A weird childishness pervades throughout - like every single line was focus-grouped to a fine edge of what an eight year old thought was snappy. Not childish-George Lucas-style where it’s a bulky line run through a Simple English translation, but Disney Channel sitcom “perky”... and the action sequences suffer from a version of the same thing.

In other words, Disney has some grasp of the business of making Star Wars movies, but in the art thereof, they suck total ass. Less obviously than George Lucas, but more completely. The wormy apple, not the donut dropped in the sand.

While I’m here, the retcons are not great, but there are worse. (1) handled by showing-not-telling that Jedi are trained from infancy, (2) said childhood training - in the basics!, (3)Luke knowing jack and shit about his mother and assuming that the mother Leia remembered was her real one, (4)Ships passing in the night and Obi-Wan giving only slightly more than zero fucks about droids... or just being cagey. Wasn’t ever actually his droid.

tl;dr Lucas pandering leaves a bad taste in my mouth, Disney pandering is vomit and diarrhea. Also, Disney is utterly incapable of not pandering and getting worse all the time.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 18:23

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The prequels are cringe-worthy indeed. Have you watched The Clone Wars animated series? It’s actually very good, and it is what the prequels should have been.

Also Rebels is amazing. Seriously, it is the best SW series thus far and you need to watch it.

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 18:23

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Given Disney’s current predilection for rehashing their animated heritage into so called live action movies, I would suggest they take the alternate path for rehashing EPs 1 to 3...animation.

Put simply...get Pixar to do them.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > His Stigness 05/30/2018 at 18:25

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1. There’s some mention of Anakin having been too old to begin training, and Owen Lars’ mention of him following Obi-Wan, etc. could be taken to imply Anakin was older. Eh.

3. Alternately, Leia literally never knew she was adopted and was remembering Bail Organa’s wife. No reason for the answer to be complicated.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) 05/30/2018 at 18:36

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Also Rebels is amazing. Seriously it is the best SW series thus far, and you need to watch it.

HammerheadFistpunch > His Stigness 05/30/2018 at 18:37

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1. the way obiwan talks about anakin its obvious they met when they were older. “Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it.”

2. Yoda- “Much anger in him, like his father.” Obi - “was I any different when YOU TAUGHT ME...” This not only says Yoda taught obi directly but it was early in his training.

3. Nope. the line is “leia do you remember your mother, your REAL MOTHER.” “a little, she DIED WHEN I WAS VERY YOUNG”

4. Cmon Obiwan and R2D2 had plenty of adventures together he would remember a sub character like R2D2

HammerheadFistpunch > Chariotoflove 05/30/2018 at 18:42

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Agreed. the whole time I kept thinking “you know what would have made the prequels better? if Anakin STARTED as a cocky teen and went from there.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 18:44

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It blows my mind that Disney is better at the Star Wars universe than George Lucas, but it’s true.

Future next gen S2000 owner > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 18:47

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The force is how she remembers her real mother. All she remembers is images/feelings. Much like how Anakin can see/feel his mother being a tortured right before Anakin goes off and murders that the group responsible.

The Force. Through it all things are possible.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media 05/30/2018 at 19:05

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Honestly, they just need to hype the Clone Wars series and re-release them but is chronological order rather than the haphazard way they aired on their TV channel originally.

Anakin is every bit the angsty, impulsive teen you expect him to be. The world’s visited are well built, apart from some of the usual casual racist stereotypes, but nothing worse than what has been found in the original trilogy.

And following the series you gain a much better perspective on how Anakin’s path to becoming Darth Vader was slow and subtle. Unlike the abrupt changes that had to happen to keep his downfall within the time limits of three feature films.

His Stigness > HammerheadFistpunch 05/30/2018 at 19:19

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1: you got me there. I have no retort. Damn it.

2: for a guy that’s over 900, of course Obi is “young.” But someone else pointed out that Yoda offered to train him after the fall of the Republic, so there.

3: I’m just going to say The Force.

His Stigness > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 05/30/2018 at 19:20

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1: Damn it, you’re right!

2: But Luke specifically asked about her REAL mother, therefore she can’t be talking about Organa.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > His Stigness 05/30/2018 at 19:45

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1. Yeah, in the your-father-wanted-you-to-have-this account, I don’t know if we have options other than either a lie or Anakin saying something to Padme she repeated to Obi-Wan. Which would have been a hell of a pair of scenes, and now I want to see them. A momentarily rational Anakin musing on fatherhood, and Padme telling Obi-Wan what he’d dreamed of, fueling the “good in him” belief in redemption. Uncle Owen resisting Obi-wan dropping by is to be expected.

OTOH, Obi-Wan lies sometimes.

3. Leia could have had a stepmother. No reason for her to know exactly what Luke was talking about. Although mother with Leia, Obi-Wan with Luke was admittedly what people expected.

What’s weird is that potential plot holes in the first two prequels stayed more contained, then all of a sudden a bunch cropped up in III. I wonder if it was related to Spielberg and crew being involved and too many chefs in the kitchen.

Chariotoflove > HammerheadFistpunch 05/31/2018 at 00:07

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Pretty sure most teenagers are halfway to the dark side already.

His Stigness > HammerheadFistpunch 06/17/2018 at 13:36

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I have a new response to your contention about Obi-Wan saying he was trained by Yoda!

In the Clone Wars cartoon series, which as you may remember was overseen by Lucas, and the stories came directly from him, Obi-Wan specifically says to the rest of the Council that they have ALL been apprenticed to Yoda at one time or another.

So there, that now makes sense.